You've seen and heard all the horror stories by now: how Muslim men are so bad, don't let their wives have any rights, if they marry a non-Muslim they'll force her to convert to Islam and take away all her freedoms, blah blah.
I won't sit here and defend all the Muslim guys, saying it's all just Islamophobic lies and doesn't happen - it sadly does, and while it's not about Islam but about the type of person someone is, I know that there are plenty of men that will use Islam to justify their actions.
But I am here to tell you, from my personal experience, that it's just a matter of knowing what you're getting yourself into, and deciding whether you want to go along with it. Over the years I've talked to many women in a position similar to mine, and all that I'm writing in this post is based on personal experience.
My pet peeve, when it comes to mixed marriages, is when women say "Oh, I'm not marrying his religion or culture, I'm marrying the person". I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement - a person's culture and religion play a massive role in their identity and have a heavy influence on what kind of person they are - their moral values, their everyday habits, traditions they follow, the way they behave with other people, even down to the trivial things like what they eat and how they dress. In my opinion, it's pretty important to at least get familiarised with some basics of your partner's culture and religion, to have a better understanding of what influences the way they are as a person. I mean here, of course, that both a woman and a man should show interest in the other person's background.
The first thing you'll hear, when you tell people you're planning to marry a Muslim man, is that "He'll force you to convert to Islam". I remember when I told my friends that I had an Islamic wedding (nikah) with my husband, the first thing I got in response was "Did you repeat anything in Arabic after them? Because they like to trick girls into saying the declaration of faith and converting to Islam!"
Let's clear this one up straight away - yes, I've heard of this happening. It would be either the husband, his family, or even an imam(!) insisting that the bride must also repeat the words of shahada, the declaration of faith. That doesn't mean it always happens, that it should ever happen, or that it's even in line with the teachings of Islam.
The truth is that 1) Muslim men are permitted to marry non-Muslim women, and 2) that as outlined in the Quran, there is no compulsion in the religion. Based on that, nobody can force or trick you into accepting Islam, and making you repeat a set of words which meaning you're not aware of, is simply meaningless. To actually become a Muslim you need to believe in Allah (One God), in the fact that Muhammad (pbuh) was the last Prophet, and if you don't then empty words don't make you one. When I made the decision to officially become Muslim on paper, and went to the mosque to do this in front of an imam so I could get a certificate, he asked me multiple times whether I was doing this out of my own free will and conviction, and then made sure I actually had at least a basic understanding of Islam.
In short - if anyone is trying to convince you that you have to become Muslim to marry your Muslim partner, it's a massive red flag.
Based on what I've said above, my main advice will always be to Discuss all the matters involving religion before the marriage:
- Are you familiar with at least the basic principles of your partner's religion?
- Do you think you'll ever be willing to convert to Islam? (it's okay if not)
- How do you want to raise future children? Bear in mind that any practicing Muslim will want to raise children in Islam.
- What about you celebrating your religious holidays, for example Christmas?
- Something that might seem trivial, but food - Muslims don't consume pork or alcohol, and will usually source their meat from a halal butcher, so you'll need to consider if these are changes you're willing to make.
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